The Clock (a Ghost Story)

Kerry listened to the carriage clock ticking in her darkened bedroom. The clock her mother proudly had above her fireplace, the one Dad bought for her on their silver wedding anniversary, the day before he died in his sleep. It was custom made, with a photo of them on their wedding day, behind the clock face, with their names engraved in the base.

Of all her mother’s possessions, it was the only thing she really wanted. A symbol of the love her parents had for each other. It still upset her that, in her will, her mother insisted that the clock be put in the coffin, along with Dad’s favourite tie and his glasses. Naturally, she told her brother that’s exactly what happened. Mark had no desire to see his Mum in the funeral home, all grey and still. He avoided seeing her when she was alive, so convincing him she had followed Mum’s request was easy. Kerry knew how much that clock meant to her parents and there was no way it was going to be destroyed when Mum was finally cremated.

It had been a lovely funeral though. Aunt Valerie cried throughout, as usual. Mark got drunk and hit someone in the pub. Apart from that, Mum would have been proud. Although Kerry hated the black shoes she felt obliged to wear; they were so uncomfortable. Removing them before bed was like an orgasm. Not that she remembered what they were.

Over two years of Kerry’s life had been taken by looking after her mother. Once the cancer took hold, there was little point in pretending to even have a life. She did her best, made her comfortable but it never felt enough. She quit work, even quit Richard (her last chance of a family, he said as they split up. Bastard.) However, Kerry had accepted her responsibility, and even felt that it brought her closer to her mother. Not forgetting that Dad would have wanted her to look after Mum, since he was not around to do it.

There was plenty of resentment, of course. Kerry wanted to kill her on a few occasions; when the soiled bed sheets needed cleaning AGAIN; when the wailing would not stop; when she just wanted to sit in the fucking garden but could not leave Mum alone. A pillow. That’s all she would have needed. Would have been so easy. Surely no-one would have blamed her.

The thoughts swirled in Kerry’s head over and over. Listening to the clock ticking, feeling her eyelids getting heavier. Thinking to herself: Tomorrow, would be the start of Kerry Mitchell’s second life. Job hunting, making contact with old friends, maybe even see if Richard was still single..? She even felt the tinge of a smile as she began to drift off.

“Kerry. You’ve ruined everything.”

Suddenly, Kerry’s eyes were anything but heavy. She sat bolt upright, scrambling for her phone, anything for a bit of light. The time was 1:03am (why did that time sound familiar?). She was home alone; hell, even the cat was outside. Did she imagine it? Was she dreaming? Was she half-asleep? Faint yet deep. It was a voice, it WAS.

The clock continued ticking, almost in rhythm with Kerry’s breathing.

Shining the little light from her phone around the room showed nothing. She expected to see nothing; her rational mind had kicked in now and, yes, obviously it was just in her mind. A little ‘jolt’ one gets just before sleep embraces for the night.

She turned her phone off, put it back on the pillow next to her, and laid down. Why was 1:03am bothering her? The answer was there, in her mind. Just out of sight. She sighed, and decided a glass of milk was in order.

She opened her bedroom door and made her way to the kitchen. It was a bit colder than usual, probably needed to stop being so tight and use the central heating once in a while. She smiled as she remembered the only argument her parents had, over the thermostat. Dad was never cold and Mum was never warm; perfect for each other, they used to say.

The thoughts of her parents, happy and alive, filled Kerry with more happiness than she had felt in a long time. She took the glass of freshly poured milk, took a sip and made her way back to bed.
As she entered the bedroom, she froze. 1:03am. That was the time of Mum’s death, 3 weeks ago to the day. How could she have forgotten? She turned and closed the door.

“Kerry. You’ve ruined everything.”

The glass of milk fell to the floor. That was no dream, no sleep related illusion. That was real. And behind her.

She turned around. She was still alone, the barest amount of light trickling through the curtains showed nothing. Her breathing was rapid, her heartbeat racing. She reached for the light switch and the room was instantly bathed in light.

Her logical mind was trying to tell her not to worry, there was a perfectly simple explanation. Just needed time to work out what it was, that’s all.  She sat on the bed, looking around. Was there a radio on? Next door’s television?

Minutes passed. She looked at her phone. Call someone? Like who? Anyone she called will be asleep and even the ones that did answer will just say “You’ve cremated your Mum today, your mind isn’t in a good place, blah, blah.” And they were probably right.

But still. That voice. So dark, so… Familiar.

She looked at the glass of milk on the floor. “Stupid bitch” she whispered quietly.

It was then she realised. The clock was silent. She stood up, and walked to the shelf. Picking it up, she let out a silent cry. The photo of her parents was gone.

“Kerry. You’ve ruined EVERYTHING.”  She turned quickly around.

“Dad?”

She knew the answer. It was him. Standing there, towering over her, looking so angry, so furious. His face contorted with rage.

“YOU’VE RUINED EVERYTHING!”

“Daddy? You… You’re dead. I… I… I don’t…”

“Your Mum asked you to do one thing for her. ONE THING. And you failed her! Now we can never be together again!”

Kerry was sobbing, “I don’t understand?”

His hand raised up, pointing. “That clock! That clock was supposed to be with your Mum forever! But you’re selfish! SELFISH!”

“Dad, I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

She closed her eyes and crumbled to the floor, feeling the tears fall down her cheeks. Clutching the clock to her chest, she felt him approach. She could not look. She would not look.
“You’ve ruined us. Are you happy? ARE YOU?”

“Daddy,” she cried out, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” She could hear him breathing. Heavy, hard, wheezing: The breath of a smoker. The pungent smell of the cigarettes that she had almost forgotten; the cigarettes that killed him.

His voice was trembling, “Mark was always my favourite…” Then silence.

The clock started ticking again. She opened her eyes, her father was gone. She looked at the clock, the photo was back but now her Dad was missing from the picture. Just her Mum, in her wedding dress. And even though Kerry’s eyes were soaked with tears, as she stared at the picture, she could clearly see her Mum was crying. She stood up and put the clock back on the shelf, feeling more alone than ever. She walked to the door, picked up the glass of milk and closed the door behind her.

She never returned.

Film Review: The Amazing Spider-Man

8/10

Firstly, let me start this review by saying that it MIGHT be slightly affected by the cinematic experience I had while watching the film.  That's not saying it's a bad film, far from it but the circumstances surrounding my viewing of it are not ideal.

I had booked the day off, on the day of release (as I often do with films I want to see) because I enjoy a cinema that's not empty but not heaving either.  A midday non-weekend viewing is usually ideal for such things.  Plus it's often cheaper tickets.

However, I made a mistake in not checking film times. If I had, I'd have seen the first showing was after 7pm rendering my day off unnecessary. Bollocks.  Secondly, I would now have to go to a later showing to ensure that screaming/chattering children would not be over running the place.  But the later the showing, the later I'd be home and getting to bed for work the next day.

A tangled web, indeed. Pun not intended.

The viewing I went to opened at 20:45, meaning a 21:15 film start time which was acceptable to me.  Not TOO late getting out of the cinema and with school the next day, no kids. HA!

How fucking wrong was I?

Some utter genius of a parent bought their 3 kids to the same showing, I guess their ages to be 4, 3 and 18 months.  And they sat right behind me.  Livid wouldn't accurately describe my feelings. Bringing actual toddlers to a night time showing of a 12A movie to be just smacks of bad parenting.  This was further proved when, during the scenes with the Lizard (more on that soon) the 18 month old SCREAMED out in horror and so had to be taken to the aisle and calmed down. Not once, but 5 times!  In the end, the mother stayed there until about 10 mins before the end of the film.  And all the while, the other two kids were chattering away behind me.

So yeah, a happy bunny I was not.

Rant over - now the film.

It was pretty good actually. Andrew Garfield was pitch perfect as Peter Parker (I apologise for the alliteration there) and Emma Stone was pretty as ever, and made a wonderful Gwen Stacy. In fact, she was so good, it makes me dread the next film as we all know how her story ends.

Praise must also go to Martin Sheen and Rhys Ifans who completely owned their roles. The one downside was Sally Field as Aunt May.  She just wasn't vulnerable enough, or old enough.  Aunt May is a frail, white haired lady.  Sally Field just didn't LOOK the part, but if you can look past that, her acting was excellent too.

The Lizard himself was very effective as a horror-based opponent for Spidey but I much prefer the way he's designed in the comics. He looks far too human in the film, and one of his main weapons (his bite) is missing. A missed opportunity, I think.

But the fight scenes are brilliant (with a completely genius Stan Lee cameo during one fight) and the Spiderman quips and insults are at long last reminiscent of the comic books as opposed to the Raimi versions which were largely missing.

Clearly the film is just the first of another trilogy, and the post-credits scene points to another Oscorp employee (Doc Ock? Mysterio? Electro? Vulture? Osborn himself?) being in the next film.

So I would absolutely recommend this film, even if you think the previous trilogy were perfect, this is just different enough to stand up without comparison, although if it was the very first Spider-man film ever, I think it would seem a lot, lot better.

And it was nice to see New York so completely rebuilt after the Avengers. :)

Eric Sykes

“Some people walk on stage and the audience warms to them. You can’t explain it, and you shouldn’t try. It's an arrogant assumption to say you ‘decide’ to become a comedian. The audience decides for you.” - Eric Sykes

Earlier today, the world lost a true icon of comedy.  An actual legend.

Eric Sykes passed away aged 89.

This is another nail in the coffin of my childhood.  Along with other comedians like Les Dawson, Morecambe and Wise, Tommy Cooper, Spike Milligan, Bob Monkhouse, and so on.  These were the people that I grew up laughing at.  Laughing with.

Eric was the last one.

I still treasure the memories of my Dad videoing 'The Plank' just so we could sit down and watch it together, knowing that we had a similar sense of humour.

All of Eric's comedy shows were favourites in our house, and Dad in particular could be found howling at the telly, whenever he was on.

The last thing I personally saw him in was Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, which (although brief) showed that he could do dramatic roles aswell (his turn as the creepy gardener in the film 'The Others' proved this too.)

But he will be forever remembered as a comedic genius.  And rightly so.

Rest in peace, Eric. The world has lost a great man, and wonderful comedian.

Thank you for the laughter.

Comedy is Taxing

"I'm spending a year dead, for tax purposes" - Douglas Adams

Well, this is a little cat amongst the pigeons.  Jimmy Carr is a tax dodger.  The man that has lampooned and roasted 'fat cat' bankers, the rich, the poor and everyone in between has been critiscised for being a hypocrite.

You'd have thought it was completely cut and dry.

It's not. I'm saying that Jimmy Carr is completely and totally in the right.  And, while writing, so is everyone else that's taking advantage of this loophole, including (allegedly) most of Take That.

Me defending Take That?  What the fuck??!

To me it's simple.  What Carr has done is legal. It's totally above board, and cleared by HMRC.  The problem lays in the fact that it IS legal.  Being frank, if I could pay less tax by doing something that was all above board, I'd be an idiot not to!  We all would. 

Is it wrong, morally?  Perhaps, as it seems like it's something that only benefits the rich, but in his position, how could you not do it?

Carr has come out now and apologised and said he's not doing it anymore, to his credit, but I for one wouldn't have complained if he'd said, "balls to the lot of you, I've done nothing wrong".  Because he'd be right.

If the loophole wasn't there, it wouldn't be an issue.  So don't hate the player, hate the game.

Film Review: Marvel's Avengers Assemble!

10/10

As many people know, my favourite film of all time is 'The Elephant Man'.  To me, it is cinematic perfection.  I've never seen a film, before or since, that has genuinely moved me (still the only film that's ever made me cry!) and I never ever believed that any film could come close to making me rethink my philosophy.

Until now.

As I alluded to in my previous blog, I've loved The Avengers since about 1985 so the chance of me not liking a film version would be small, but to say I was blown away by Marvel's Avengers Assemble would be like saying Siberia is a little bit nippy.  Almost from the very first scene, the film grabs you, demands your attention and refuses to let you go.  And you don't even notice.

The set up is perfect, and really you don't NEED to see any of the five previous films that lead up to it (although if you do, trust me it makes it much better.

For me, Captain America is more like himself than he was in his own movie.  Tony Stark is just sarcastic and wonderful, Thor is several kinds of awesome.  Mark Ruffalo is the best Bruce Banner ever (sorry to the fans of Bana, Norton and/or Bixby) and if he doesn't get his own Hulk film out of this then there's no justice in the world.  The other two Avengers (Black Widow and Hawkeye) are not treated as extras, as you might reasonably expect and in fact easily have about as much screen time and development as the rest.

As for SHIELD, Cobie Smulders is just smoking hot as Maria Hill and Clark Gregg continues his deadpan nothing-can-shock-me performance as Agent Coulson (and he will be missed in the future films) but Samuel L Jackson is still 'The Man' and couldn't be cooler if you dumped him in an ice bath.

But as in 'Thor', the best acting was from Tom Hiddleston as Loki.  He displays such a believable performance, going from evil to humourous and everything inbetween.  His scene with Black Widow was one of the stand out moments (plus it had the phrase 'mewling quim' - 12a rating ahoy!) and his battle with Hulk was... Short but oh so memorable.

The final scenes are perhaps the best ever seen, certainly in a superhero film and possibly in any film.  This is what Transformers WISHES it could have been.  Some real fist pumping and 'Fuck yeah' moments but you never get lost in the visuals (which are stunning throughout).

And if you don't get chills when the Avengers form the famous circle (the one we've all seen in the trailers) then you might want to check your blood flow.

I have tried and tried to think of some negative points but the only ones I can think of is just the very minor disappointment that there didn't seem to be any 'hidden' gems in the film.  Would have loved a minor cameo from Agents Danvers or Morse (Ms Marvel and Mockingbird respectively) or maybe even tracking Bruce Banner while he's hiding out with his cousin Jennifer Walters.  But nothing like that, not even a mention of "We tried the Fantastic Four but they weren't even in this dimension".  Shame, but that is a churlish criticism at best.

So, is this now my favourite film ever?  No. But it's pretty damn close. The adult 'me' is telling me that The Elephant Man is still the best film I've ever seen. But the child 'me' insists it's The Avengers. Pfft, who wants to be a grown up at the cinema anyway?

Sod it, I'm going to see it again!


Oh, and Thanos.  THANOS!.  THANOS ON THE BIG SCREEN!!  Can this Avengers sequel just hurry up already??

Avengers Assemble!

And there came a day, a day unlike any other... when Earth's mightiest heroes found themselves united against a common threat... to fight the foes no single superhero could withstand... on that day, The Avengers were born.

Not blogged in an absolute age.  Totally my fault - just not really been inspired to talk!  However, in a few hours time I will be going to see a film that I have been waiting for my entire life (and sadly, that's not a lie).

The Avengers (or Avengers Assemble for us in the UK).

As many know, I'm a comic book aficionado/nerd and the one book that I've enjoyed from the start, and still do, is The Avengers.  The teamwork, relationships, the infighting, the battles... There was something that appealed to me about this team that made me want to read more.  X-Men?  Too angsty and talk about whiney...  Spider-Man?  Yeah, he was OK.  Fantastic Four?  Often good, occasionally great but not for me.

(And I can't stand DC comics. Deal with it.)

The Avengers were a group of heroes that banded together because they wanted to make the world a better place.  That appealed to me.  They were together because they were friends.  And the film will show this too (I'm sure - my next blog will be the review of the film)

So I have decided to list my 10 favourite Avengers storylines, in no particular order.

1) Operation: Galactic Storm

A no-brainer to pick this as the first on the list.  A fantastic space war that spanned 19 issues and yet didn't feel too long, or padded out.  Bob Harras' crossover masterpiece that even now I read from time to time.  Hasn't dated.

Good stuff: All the Avengers together!  Avengers avenging!
Bad stuff: Cap's team seemed a little weak/one dimensional *shrugs*
Legacy: The Kree have never been the same and it helped bring Carol Danvers back to Earth.

2) Korvac Saga

The first Avengers graphic novel I ever bought.  Was NOT disappointed.  Avengers stories that involve god-like enemies always seem to 'work', and other than the Fantastic Four, no other Marvel team ever really battled them.  (And even the FF only seemed to win after a never-before-seen gadget created on the spot by Mr Fantastic.)

Good stuff: The ambiguous ending.  Guardians of the Galaxy are always good to see.
Bad stuff: Moondragon. Still don't like her.
Legacy: The story is screaming out for a sequel, but Korvac hasn't been seen much since this story, which is a shame.

3) Under Siege

Heartbreaking.  Utterly devastating storyline that shows sometimes you don't need more power, you need more people.  This version of the Masters of Evil are, IMO the best.  They take the Avengers to the edge and throw them over.  The Mansion is destroyed and in many ways the team are never the same again.

Good stuff: Wasp! Jarvis! Hercules! Captain America breaks down!
Bad stuff: Where were the reserve Avengers??
Legacy: In part, leads to the first Avengers break-up. And let's not forget 'The Thunderbolts'

4) Lost in Space/Time

The only West Coast Avengers storyline in the list (that doesn't mean that I didn't love WCA but they only had 100 issues to play with...)  A carefully woven story that sounds confusing and convoluted but honestly is just a brilliant read.  Can't recommend it enough.

Good stuff: The plotting is masterful.  Hank Pym is back!  Moon Knight!
Bad stuff: The sexual abuse of Mockingbird. The art isn't great.
Legacy: Phantom Rider is still around, causing strife for Hawkeye and Mockingbird.

5) Procter and the Gatherers

A good old-fashioned slow burned.  Bob Harras' other masterpiece.  The way that Procter and his team of Gatherers appeared and gradually got stronger, got more menacing...  This is what I wanted from my Avengers book after about 50 issues of (let's be honest) mainly dreck.  And I want Procter back!

Good stuff: The slow burn.  The reveal of Procter's identity.
Bad stuff: Too many unanswered questions.
Legacy: Not much, sadly. Desperately needs to be looked at and re-used by a future writer.

6) Acts of Vengeance

Perhaps a surprise to people that know Marvel that I've included this crossover.  Wasn't popular at the time and is often overlooked but I would rather read this than Inferno or any of the so-called 'worthy' X-crossovers.  A mad idea that partly worked but probably needed some tighter plotting.

Good stuff: Unique idea, putting the Avengers into the centre of the Marvel Universe.
Bad stuff: The comedy issues of the Fantastic Four.  And Daredevil beats Ultron? WTF?
Legacy: Civil War and Dark Reign must have been inspired by the story.

7) Ultron Unlimited

I've always liked Ultron. Never saw him as a thread though which is essential if you're going to be a MAJOR villain. Busiek's greatest storyline moved Ultron from a minor villain to a world-class threat.  Fantastic, fist pumping stuff.

Good stuff: Ultron is now the bad-ass he always should have been.
Bad stuff: Slight moustache twirling villainy from Ultron at points.
Legacy: Ultron is now a universe-wide threat (see: Annihilation Conquest)

8) Avengers Forever

Arguably Busiek's finest hour.  Ties up loose ends and clarifies some of the more confusing storylines in the Avengers history.  Not recommended reading unless you're a REAL Avengers fan though.

Good stuff: Songbird! Great fun for Avengers historians.
Bad stuff: Not easy reading if you're new to comics.
Legacy: Every time there's a continuity glitch, the answer is - a Space Phantom.

9) Dark Reign/Siege

The most up-to-date storyline in the list. The idea of an 'evil' leader of the Superhero community was genius and the man to do it was surprising.  Dr Doom?  Kang?  Red Skull?  No.  A Spider-man villain.  Yeah.

Good stuff: Some fantastic sub-plots, the Thunderbolts issues, and truly epic in scope.
Bad stuff: Far too big to remember everything.
Legacy: We'll see...  But the Asgardian subplot sort of lead into 'Fear Itself'.

10) Red Zone

The best story in Geoff John's short run.  The main villain was obvious from day one but the sheer amount of delicious evil involved, to do what he does... Brilliant.  And anyone that has Jack of Hearts in the team is OK by me.

Good stuff: The villain! Scarlet Witch! Great story.
Bad stuff: Shame the villain was signposted a few issues prior.
Legacy: Again, not much.  Might need to re-read it.

Also want to show some love for: The Kang Dynasty, Heroes Return, Dark Scarlet Witch Saga, The Kree/Skrull War, Fear Itself.

Feel free to comment if you've read any of these or want to suggest others I've overlooked.  But if you mention Larry Hama or Chuck Austen to me, expect bloodshed... :)

Dad

"I wasn't there that morning, when my father passed away.  I didn't get to tell him, all the things I had to say."  - "The Living Years" Mike & The Mechanics

Seven years ago, I was at work.  A normal day, up in the City; talking to customers on the phone, giving them the charm (as you do).  A very normal, ordinary day until about 9:30am: when I was told my Dad had to be rushed into hospital.

I immediately rushed out of the office and made the long, slow journey home.  It was, under normal circumstances, a rather fast journey, certainly faster than I expected.  However it felt like hours.  No-one was telling me anything.  My Dad was in hospital and no-one was giving me an update.

Eventually I got to the hospital, headed towards A&E.  I saw my family there, my two brothers, my Mum, my wife...   I knew, immediately, why my family were all outside, instead of being with Dad.  But I couldn't and wouldn't allow myself to admit it.  As I got closer, my wife approached me, crying.  She said "I'm sorry, he didn't make it".

And I cried.

I had lost my Dad.  He was more than a Dad, he was my best friend, my hero, my mentor, my guru, my inspiration...  And now he was gone.

Suddenly, I felt more alone than ever.  Yes, I was married, and had lots of family and friends, but at that moment, none of that mattered.

I went to Mum, who was sobbing and clearly had been for ages, and gave her a hug.  Told her we'd be OK.  My two brothers were also red-eyed.  Being the eldest of us three has always been a burden (one that I created, more than anything) so I felt it my responsibility to 'man-up' and take charge of things. 

We had to go back into the hospital to sign forms, then went home.  I got all the phone numbers of Dad's friends and work colleagues, gradually calling them all and telling them of his passing.

The rest of the day was a total blur.  I don't know if I even ate dinner.  Or even what time I went to bed.  I do know that we made sure Mum slept in our front room, so she wasn't alone.

I do know it was the hardest day of my life.

Why am I telling you all this?  No reason.  Dad's been gone for 7 years now, and I can honestly say that a day hasn't passed since then when I haven't thought about him.  And even now, all these years later, I miss him as much as I ever did.

Someone said today on Facebook:  "Some people in this life just leave.  Others leave gaps."  Dad, you left a gap in my heart that nothing can fill.  I wish you were here just one more minute so I could tell you just how much I love you and give you a hug.  You were the best Dad I could ever wish to have and you made all three of your sons very proud, decent members of society.

I will see you again someday, I know that.  Until then, I'll keep you in my memories and my soul.

Sleep well, Pops.  You earned your rest. x