"I wasn't there that morning, when my father passed away. I didn't get to tell him, all the things I had to say." - "The Living Years" Mike & The Mechanics
Seven years ago, I was at work. A normal day, up in the City; talking to customers on the phone, giving them the charm (as you do). A very normal, ordinary day until about 9:30am: when I was told my Dad had to be rushed into hospital.
I immediately rushed out of the office and made the long, slow journey home. It was, under normal circumstances, a rather fast journey, certainly faster than I expected. However it felt like hours. No-one was telling me anything. My Dad was in hospital and no-one was giving me an update.
Eventually I got to the hospital, headed towards A&E. I saw my family there, my two brothers, my Mum, my wife... I knew, immediately, why my family were all outside, instead of being with Dad. But I couldn't and wouldn't allow myself to admit it. As I got closer, my wife approached me, crying. She said "I'm sorry, he didn't make it".
And I cried.
I had lost my Dad. He was more than a Dad, he was my best friend, my hero, my mentor, my guru, my inspiration... And now he was gone.
Suddenly, I felt more alone than ever. Yes, I was married, and had lots of family and friends, but at that moment, none of that mattered.
I went to Mum, who was sobbing and clearly had been for ages, and gave her a hug. Told her we'd be OK. My two brothers were also red-eyed. Being the eldest of us three has always been a burden (one that I created, more than anything) so I felt it my responsibility to 'man-up' and take charge of things.
We had to go back into the hospital to sign forms, then went home. I got all the phone numbers of Dad's friends and work colleagues, gradually calling them all and telling them of his passing.
The rest of the day was a total blur. I don't know if I even ate dinner. Or even what time I went to bed. I do know that we made sure Mum slept in our front room, so she wasn't alone.
I do know it was the hardest day of my life.
Why am I telling you all this? No reason. Dad's been gone for 7 years now, and I can honestly say that a day hasn't passed since then when I haven't thought about him. And even now, all these years later, I miss him as much as I ever did.
Someone said today on Facebook: "Some people in this life just leave. Others leave gaps." Dad, you left a gap in my heart that nothing can fill. I wish you were here just one more minute so I could tell you just how much I love you and give you a hug. You were the best Dad I could ever wish to have and you made all three of your sons very proud, decent members of society.
I will see you again someday, I know that. Until then, I'll keep you in my memories and my soul.
Sleep well, Pops. You earned your rest. x
